The Nature of Family Mediation
Family mediation is designed around the premise of clients in dispute acting in the best interests of their children to collaboratively develop a parenting plan or agreement around property and finances.
By its very nature it can be challenging mentally and emotionally, arising as it does as part of the divorce process.
The Family Mediator’s Role
There’s a saying in the family dispute resolution profession that clients control the content and family mediators control the process of mediation.
This essentially frames the mediation session. The mediator is there to keep proceedings moving forward positively, without any power imbalance, and in a calm, collaborative, child-focussed manner.
While the family mediator knows your situation, having spent time talking with you during the intake session, it’s you and your ex that know your children and their needs best. And that knowledge about your kids is what will be utilised during the mediation session.
The Family Law Act
The Family Law Act 1975 frames up the mediation you’ll take part in. The act places the best interests of the children as the top priority. In fact everyone involved in family law, from judges, to court staff, to social workers maintains the best interests of the child as their top priority.
This means that in your family mediation you, as a parent, will need to focus on your children’s best interests.
Preparation Support Your Family Mediator Can Provide
At Resolutions Australia we’re proud of the time, energy, and education we put into working with clients to best prepare them for their mediation session.
From the first phone call or email we provide written resources, information about how family mediation works, where it sits in the family law environment, the choices and opportunities clients have, possible areas of family life to consider, rules and regulations surrounding mediation and mediators, support and referral pathways, identifying potential areas of conflict or risk… the list is a long one! Most importantly, we make ourselves available 24/7 to answer any questions that pop up for you, our client.
Tips for Preparing for Family Mediation
From First Enquiry to Your Intake Session
When you contact a mediator you’ll have an opportunity to outline your situation and, if mediation is appropriate, you’ll be offered information and guidance about the process and what to expect. Family mediators will usually provide you with the opportunity to ask questions and you can expect to attend an intake session feeling fully informed about the process. If you’re not feeling confident you have all the information you need then at intake you can seek clarification, ask further questions, and discuss any concerns you may have.
At Resolutions Australia we see this as a priority. We want clients to feel in control, confident, and informed about the positive process they’re engaging in.
Between Intake and the Family Mediation Session
Parenting Plans
You want to develop a parenting plan. Intake has happened, you’ve shared your thoughts, your family and relationship story, your family mediator has got you to identify priorities and pathways for the future. Well done!
Between now and the family mediation session there’s a few important steps to take.
Consider your best possible outcome and ponder what areas of movement you’d feel willing to negotiate around. Think about the future and what your hopes are for your children and how best, as a split family these hopes may be achieved. Constructing your own family mediation checklist is useful to help you ensure you raise all the ideas, issues, and possible solutions you may have.
It is also crucial that you prepare yourself to stay focused on the children. Think about how you’ll stay calm, how you’ll respond to any negatives coming your way, and how you’ll put personal issues between you and your ex aside. Remember, you’re not in mediation to resolve issues between parents! This emotional readiness is very important. Framing the family mediation as a business meeting or formal discussion may help. Having regular breaks is also a great coping strategy as they help you recalibrate. Your mediator is also a great support and should be maintaining a positive, productive working environment.
Financial and Property Agreements
The big day has arrived and you and your ex are looking to reach agreement on the property you own and the financial interests you have.
The one word that really sums up this aspect of mediation is ‘disclosure.’ To best prepare for a financial or property based family mediation is to ensure you have copies of every bank statement, mortgage document, trust accounts, crypto balance, valuation etc. Without full and frank disclosure it is extremely difficult to successfully mediate. In this respect Resolutions Australia often need to run two mediation sessions when it’s realised that not all the proverbial cards are on the table.
Most clients do their best to fully disclose however things often get missed. That small savings account for Christmas, the valuation on the farm but not on the business side of the operation, the current value of those shares you were gifted for your 21st birthday, how much your stake in the family weekender bush block is worth. It’s all needed.
Importantly, it’s also wise to consider sentimental value versus actual value. That golf ball you scored a hole in one with is priceless but only worth a dollar. Those family photos? The carved bowl your son made at Scouts when he was 11.
This highlights the need to be prepared to discuss and mediate around items that, on the surface, have no financial value but do hold often profound emotional sentimental value.
This in itself raises the spectre once again of emotional preparedness. At first glance the family mediation session is about numbers and percentages but alongside that is the division of important heirlooms, personal valuables, and items that form part of your family history and potential legacy.
On the Day
At Resolutions Australia we mediate exclusively online. You’re probably at home so ‘What to bring to mediation?’ Consider your physical needs. Have a water bottle handy. Have light snacks close by. Ensure you’re in comfortable clothing and a comfortable space. A pen and paper are useful. Pets outside, the kids at school or with friends or family, and a decent meal beforehand. And a box of tissues never goes astray.
Now What?
So, your mediation has gone well. You read the information, you asked lots of questions. You thought about how you’d take care of your emotions during the process and you prioritised and pondered areas to mediate. Congratulations!
Now, with agreement in hand, you have a further consideration to think about and prepare for. With support from your lawyer it’s important to decide whether you want to turn your agreement into a consent order. This is done by having your lawyer submit your family mediation plan to the family court. The court then formalises this into a legally enforceable document.
It’s not an urgent decision and if the plan is going well it’s not necessary. But it should be considered.
As you can see there’s much to ponder and certainly much to prepare. Between your self-managing strategies to cope with family mediation and considering all your options and ideas one important recommendation is to lean into your mediator for support and information. At Resolutions Australia that’s what we’re here for and we urge you to get in touch and share your story and questions with us. We’re more than happy to help!
